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| This is where democracy LIVES! |
Almost everybody I told was all like, "Ohhh, I'm so sorry. That's AWFUL!"
WTF!? Noooo - it's AWESOME!
Being on a jury has long been a dream of mine. I think it would be fascinating (or super-boring, but I'd like to find out for myself at least!) Plus, you get to fulfil one of your most important civic duties (besides voting, of course)(and shovelling the walkway.) On top of it all, I'm lucky enough to have a job where my employer will cover my wages while in jury, and someone else comes in and makes sure all my work gets done (thanks, Jordyn!) Ahhh...a day of sitting, listening, and being quiet, while seated in a comfortable chair, and with ample time for lunch. What could be better?
Before I do a run-down on the day (SPOILER ALERT), I'll start with a few helpful hints for prospective jurors headed to Panel. I tried googling this info last night, and couldn't find anything, so my goal here is to help with a few insider tidbits I learned today:
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| A map I kind of made! |
1. Bring an analogue book! Or magazine, puzzle/pencil, etc. There is a lot of sitting/staring time, so you will want to keep your mind sharp! Plus, you have to turn off electronics once court starts.
2. I went to 80 Dundas St. Despite the address, you cannot actually get into this sucker from that side. If you are like me and park at the market, you will face a long, cold, slippery walk allll the way around to the Queen Ave. side. I wonder if that entrance used to be used, but they shut it down for security reasons? Stupid crazy people...ruining everything!
3. Look to the gremlins on the map above for helpful parking advice!
4. Don't wear perfume. Somebody is going to be squished in beside you for 2-3 hours, and that can be just nasty.
5. Wear comfy clothes. You have to sit for a long time, and nobody seems to care if you get dressed up like I did. Some people there looked like they found their clothes in a garbage can. Nobody cares.
6. Bring your summons, and fill out the info box at the bottom before you get there. They'll rip it off and give the rest back for you.
7. Go to the bathroom before! There are only 2 ladies' stalls on the 14th floor, so the wait at break was deadly. Also, you will feel like a tool if you have to get up in the middle of it to go.
8. Show up early. You have a book to read! Don't be a dick. Though they were letting people in who were like a half-hour late.
9. You can pick where you sit when you go in (14th floor, Courtroom 18). Keep to the left, and the benches near the front have cushions on them and nice armrests. I did not follow this advice, and I had a lot of time to sit and stew about it in an ill-chosen hard chair. More on that below.
So here's basically how my day went:
8:45 - Arrive. Go through almost airport-level security on the first floor. Take elevator to 14.
8:50 - Enter courtroom and pick a spot to sit. See important info above! I wanted to have a good view and a bit of space, so I went to the front row of hard, linked-together wooden chairs. I sat all the way at the end so I could be guaranteed no one on at least one side of me. The row was completely empty still, while the back part of the room was getting pretty full.
8:51 - Begin reading book.
8:52 - Extremely eager older lady comes down the row and sits two seats down from me. There is literally not a single other person in the entire row at this point. Then she "notices" the empty chair directly beside me, the one that is keeping a nice social distance between us. She gleefully asks, "Oh, can I sit there?!" (!!) What do you say? What do you do? OMG I'm just looking forward to spending a day not talking for once! I surely do NOT want to make chit chat with this "friendly" stranger. So I say, "Okay," and I move my purse so she can sit there. At this point I'm worried that I have to be her surrogate child for the day. I will be sure to disappoint her.
8:53 - Continue reading book. Try to ignore the body heat radiating from the strange woman to my left. Sneak a look at the name on her summons. Decide that is the name of a crazy person. Also, she is from Komoka, so...
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| Fine, but don't try to talk to me! |
8:54-9:20 - Continue reading, feeling creeped out, and occasionally look up to watch clerks set up microphones and ready the court room. At this point, I feel (a little) bad that the social misfit next to me might be embarrassed and has realized the gravity of her misstep. She periodically mutters to herself (me?) statements like, "Well, here we are!" or, "I should have brought a book." Feel like a horrible person. Keep eyes focused on the front. Focused on the front. Focused on the front.
9:20 - The fun begins! People continue to enter the courtroom, despite the summons looking really scary and official and definitely saying this party gets started at 9. People continue to drift in one at a time til about 9:40. Ugh.
I'm never late, especially for workish-type things. It's so easy to be early. Late-comers drive me nuts. I'm owning the moral high ground on this one.
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| There were several cops in court, but none of them were this cute. |
9:20 - The Court Register emerges, welcomes us to panel, describes what we are about to endure. She has a huuuge stack of cue cards, which apparently are still a thing that exists.
Each card has our Jury ID# and occupation on it. She calls out the numbers and you have to say if your occupation has changed since the info was filed. Lots of people turned into retired versions of their former selves. Jealous. Also, one guy was like, "Manager!? Where'd you get that from?!? I'm retired!!!" He was just so damn insulted that this woman could possibly accuse him of still having a career, despite the fact that he stated he had a career when he filled out the form a year ago. You know where she "got that" from? A drug dealer downtown. You're in trouble, mister! Ugh. Several of the seniors sitting with him chuckled heartily at his reaction. Apparently he is a "card".
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| Just keep reading, girl. Your book will make it all better. |
One other guy is listed as a "manager". The Register asks him to clarify so she can note it on his card. He really clarifies, by explaining his whole business of restoring and rebuilding antique theatres across Canada and the United States. Then he concludes by saying that his income comes from Disability. I thought that was pretty funny, because I am mean. It was pretty funny, though. I imagine the note she actually wrote on his card was "do not put this guy on a jury."
I consider mentioning this to the nutbar on my left, but conclude that we are "not speaking".
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| You're going into the cage! |
About 10% of the people called were not actually in attendance. I guess they skipped out? On the lam? Dodging the po-po?
Anyhoo, due to the fact that some people are a mess and can't show up to Provincial Court on time, the Court Register had to re-read all the absentee cards one more time. So that took about 10 minutes.
10:00-10:30 - Continue reading. The lady to my left has found someone on her left, who did actually manage to leave a chair of space between them, and is finally enjoying social contact. I am happy for her, but I will her to shut up so I can concentrate on my book.
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| Cat justice! You are sentenced to have a bath! |
10:30 - The judge shows up! We all rise! The Register says something! I don't recall much of the oath or whatever, but it had the word "God" in it. So, tradition?
10:30 - 11 - The judge explains everything that we could possibly need to know about being a juror. Everything. Special emphasis on "civic duty". My chest swells with pride.
They will be casting 3 juries today: 2 criminal (12 people), and 1 civil (6 people). I figure my odds aren't bad. I dressed up.
Also - the defendants for the main criminal trial came in with their lawyers! It was 2 guys charged with assaulting 2 women. I'm having second thoughts about being on this jury. It sounds like it could be really awful. Still....as the judge is detailing that we will be required for a week or maybe more, I'm making mental notes about all the things I will need to arrange to get taken care of at work. I'm still hoping...
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| Guilty of pooping in the living room! |
So, basically, they will draw 3 sets of 20 names of people who will go to "challenge for cause" later in the afternoon. This is where the lawyers will be able to select or reject potential jurors. It involves getting sworn in. Cool!
The first 20 people get called up. They draw your card out of a big barrel that looks like it held bingo balls in a previous life. I do not get picked. :( Several people have what seem to be reasonable excuses why they can't serve: students with finals coming up, people who own their own businesses and will lose money. A couple of people are shamed by the judge into remaining in the jury pool, and they get in line with heads bowed. One guy actually says he is racist and therefore biased in the case! The judge tells him he hopes this is not an act being put on to avoid jury duty, and orders him to sit for the afternoon session. The dude looks like a scumbag racist to me.
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| It's been said that dog judges are the most forgiving and lenient. |
Just to be clear: you need to tell the whoooole court full of assorted humanity why you can't be a juror. Intimate medical and financial details will be revealed. There is no confidentiality here. I thought that was really interesting, and was thankful, as always, that I don't have an embarrassing disease.
So those 20 lucky dogs get shuffled off somewhere behind the walls of justice. The lottery begins anew. This time I get picked!!! Right near the start! I go up and stand in line, trying to look like the impartial and rational human that I am. I have to hold this look for like 45 minutes because so many people are trying to get out of jury duty. It takes forever. Eventually there are 16 of us standing up there, and the judge sends us for lunch at about noon. We have to be back by 2. Two hour lunch, y'all!!
I try to make the best use of my time by coming home and sitting on the couch for 2 hours. The dogs loooove it.
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| This is who I want in my corner. |
1:45 - Back at the courthouse, and we have to wait in the hallway until the courtroom opens at 2. Thanks to my timeliness, I get to have a chair to sit on and continue reading my book. This hallway will be packed to the point of fire hazard by 2 PM.
2:00-2:30 - My group of potential jurors is placed in Courtroom 20 to get ready for the selection process. Courtroom 20 has a really small gallery, but workstations for about 16 lawyers, 6 prisoner boxes, and all the jury stations have flat-screen monitors. The clerk tells us it is the most famous courtroom in Ontario, as it hosted the trials of such sick f*ckers as the Banditos and Michael Raffery. The creepy feeling returns and I feel a little sick to my stomach. Honestly, I'd way rather sit by a socially awkward yenta than sit in a room where those monsters had their last stand.
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| You have no place on this jury! |
Thankfully, they let us out of there pretty quickly following that disturbing little historical lecture.
Things proceed quickly for me from here on out.
2:30 - Our group of 20 is herded into a conference room with exactly 20 chairs, some better than others. Nobody talks much, but you can tell some people want to. Not me. Reading continues.
2:33 - I wait in a hallway to proceed into the courtroom for my grilling. Feeling nervous. Hope my hair looks okay. Touch up lipstick.
2:35 - Allowed into courtroom. Take the stand. Offered the choice to swear on a bible or give an affirmation. I choose the latter like coffee over tea at breakfast and agree to say only things that are true. I answer one question about my potential bias, and that seems to go okay. Then the judge asks me to look the defendants in the eye, and one of the Crown Prosecutors instantly says, "Challenge!" and then it is over. It is all over. I leave the room in stunned disappointment. I linger for a couple of moments in the hallway before taking the elevator down 14 floors back to my regular life. The lady who comes out after me got challenged (really just a nice word for rejected) by the defence. However, the guy who comes out after her got picked! This fella is psyched for a week off work. We ride down the elevator together, talking about our normal lives and the potential trial. By this point in the day I'm ready to chat with strangers. So, there's that.
My dream is dead. :(
Still holding out hope that I might get called up again some day...
