Topbox Review: Remember Gumby? He's back! In nail polish form.

So...have you heard of this recent phenomenon called a "box subscription"? It's that thing where you pay a monthly fee to a marketing company, and they send you a box of assorted items once a month. Ideally, you love the sample products soooo much that you cannot resist purchasing regular-size versions of them from the company's website, thereby providing another revenue stream for the company in question. You can subscribe to such a wide variety of types of boxes, from pet toys or treats, to gourmet cooking items, to beauty samples. Subscription boxes combine your love of small samples with the excitement of getting mail. They will make you feel like somebody really cares.

This is my first month receiving a package from Topbox, a beauty products subscription service. It costs $12/package, and is billed monthly to my credit card. Ostensibly, the products you receive are a stunning value, representing far more than the meagre $12 you invest. This point is debatable at best, which I'll discuss below. Despite my reservations about the actual value of the box I received, I will continue to subscribe for at least a few more months, as it gives me something to blog about. And getting mail makes me feel like somebody really cares.

I would also like to point out that Topbox holds a unique position in the subscription box market. At $12 ($13.56 incl tax), it is one of the cheaper options. Also, the company has a set number of subscribers, so you have to go on a waiting list for about 2 months before you are even allowed to subscribe. I suspect this creates a psychological effect of scarcity and exclusivity for some people, wherein they feel special and privileged to be "accepted" into the Topbox circle. I know I was pretty happy to have made it off the wait list. I am starting to feel like somebody really cares.

I am going to show you what came in my July 2013 Topbox, with approximate values and initial impressions.

You're kinda tiny, Tiny

"This 8[!?] in 1 multi-tasking beauty balm will provide all day hydration while brightening to instantly lift [my] look."

Tried it this morning. Seems okay, not much different than the literally hundreds of other moisturizers beauty balms you can buy.

Full size = $49/50mL
I'm generously guessing this is 2mL?
Sooo...value = $2.04

Imma little scared of this one.

"Thickening sprayable gel/provides up to 70% more volume and heat protection."

Both? or 35% of each? or maybe a 30/40 split? Hmmmm...

Haven't tried this one yet, and I'm kind of terrified what 70% more volume on my head might look like. For once, I'm hoping that the beauty claims are highly exaggerated, which they always are.

Full size = $16.70/200 mL
Value = $2.51

This product should be satirical.

"Pure 24k Gold [sic] flakes as well as Pearl Protein help..." Wait! What?
Effing gold flakes??

Well, that just makes me feel like an a$$hole.

Ugh. Yes, apparently gold and pearl have the little-known and miraculous ability to "stimulate blood flow, build up Amino Acids [sic] and add a healthy glow to the skin for Summer [sic]."

They don't know the difference between proper and common nouns, and they want me to believe that gold will improve my complexion.


If you have 6 minutes and free wi-fi, do check out what David Cross has to say about the gold leaf:

David Cross: Tasteless, Odorless


Full size = $60/60mL
2mL here? Value = $2.00
(Putting gold on your face = priceless)

Okay Mom, I'm ready for my drive to the mall. Moooommmm...let's gooooo!!!

The 4th and final item in my July 2013 Topbox is China Glaze "Keepin it Teal" jelly polish, from their Summer 2013 jelly collection.




Ehhh, it's okay. I googled it, and the polish reviewers are all losing their sh*t about how great it is (maybe girls be pimpin' for some free product?) I'm not a fan of the jelly finish, and this polish is decidedly Gumby-coloured, once you apply the 6 coats needed for opacity. In fact, I decided to put that evaluation to the test, and did a Gumby and Pokey mani:

OMG I used to love Gumby and Pokey so much. <3

If you're going to wear a colour that's fit for tweens, you might as well go all-out cartoon on it, amirite?

Whatevs. I like nail art, so I'll gladly add whatever they send to my nail wall. (Ignoring the little voice in my head that's lecturing about how jellies are too thin for nail art. Shut up, Little Voice. I want to feel like I got a bargain here.)

Ah, Little Voice might be right. The Topbox insert insists that this polish is worth $10-12, (minus some off if you allow for the fact that you didn't get to pick the colour ~10% seems about right), but if you pay that much, YOU ARE BAD AT SHOPPING!

Here it is for $6.95 at the first place I checked.

So...

Real value = $6.95 (Let's be magnanimous and call it $7.98 including tax)

Sooo...

Moisturizer Beauty Balm:                $2.04
Volumizer that scares me:                $2.51
Gold leaf jerk cream:                       $2.00
Gumby tween polish:                       $7.98

TOTAL:                                           $14.53 (I paid $13.56)

Sooo...not bad I guess, but none of these products is an awesome, spectacular deal, and I suspect that the cream samples (or their equivalents) can easily be had for free at Sephora, The Bay, Shoppers, Sears, etc...

I do also like getting mail, so there's that.

I'll keep up with Topbox for a couple of months, but at a yearly cost of $144 ($165.60 incl tax), I am hesitant. I just don't like getting mail that much.

Do you subscribe to any boxes? What are your opinions of them? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!! xoxo