Topbox September 2013 Review!

OOOoooohhhh, Topbox...why you gotta make it so hard for me to get my snark on?

I got this month's Tobox on Tuesday. As these boxes have gotten progressively better, it is becoming progressively more difficult for me to write a sneering review. Don't worry, some of the products themselves still suck, but the sheer number of items, combined with a couple of real winners, make the September Topbox well worth the $13.56 that was charged to my Amex a couple of weeks ago.

So...let's get started:

Chock full of all the information that shows up free in your Facebook feed!

This month's box is bigger than usual, to accommodate Chatelaine, a magazine that seems to be everywhere, but I don't know a single person who reads it. Heck, I even subscribe to Chatelaine and I don't read it. ($1/month add-on to our Rogers bill, and I take them to school for the kids to cut up when decorating their poetry.)

Obviously, this is a good marketing move for Chatelaine, because they'll be able to up their ad rates by posting bigger distribution numbers. I probably still won't read it. I will, however, gladly accept it to add to my cut-up pile.

It's not you, it's me.

Next up, we have another baby moisturizer sample. At 5mL, it might be more accurately described as fetal, even, but whatever. I have no need of facial cream samples. I am blindly devoted to Lancome, which is expensive and awesome and one of the few things I go all out and spend way too much money on 'cause I like it so much. (Lancome also has the best gifts with purchase, and they run them about 3 or 4 times a year.)

I've taken to throwing these little gems into my purse and using them for hand creams when out-and-about. This one is creamy and it smells nice, and I have no doubt that it will keep my hands from getting red and chapped this winter.

Why do you exist? Really.

Here we have an "anti-aging primer", which is basically just a light moisturizer. Anyone who believes a cream will help fix fine lines and wrinkles should really check out this all-in-one wonder product called Snake Oil. They should pay absolutely top dollar for it, to a huckster selling things off the back of an old-timey wagon. Perhaps I can find some to sell to them.

Bottom line: the only thing that will make you look younger is plastic surgery. Botox! Facelift! Restylane! Anything else is simply going to add moisture to your skin, which is inherently anti-aging, as your skin will not crack and wrinkle as much if it is not dry. People should just pick a moisturizer that they like the texture and smell of, and that makes them happy and is appropriate for their skin type/what they want it to do. Products like this, pushing the idea that a person needs a "primer" before putting on make-up, as if he or she is a slab of drywall, just get on my nerves. Ugh. Anyway, this is light, smells okay, and will have a happy life at the bottom of my purse, periodically moisturizing my dry winter lizard-hands.

*nb - I will admit that while primers are of no value to me, there are many people (maybe with oily skin?) who swear that their make-up lasts longer if they apply primer first. So, YMMV.

There is a debate on the value of primers...

I think you came from expired stock :(

This is a sample of Bourjois Paris mascara, probably 1/4 of the full size one, which sells for $20 at Shoppers. That is pretty pricey for a drug store mascara, so it must be awesome, right?

Maybe. Mine is really dry and doesn't come close to giving me "10x more volume." I've been using it for the last 3 days, and it differs from my Lancome Hypnose mascara in 2 ways: 1) my lashes look smaller and a little clumpy, and 2) it is really hard to get off! Not a product I will be adding to my collection.

You make the whole September Topbox worth it!

This is a full-sized bottle of Wella Professionals heat protection spray. I am very happy with this product. Not only is it in a good enough size to use it for awhile and really get a feel for it, but it also works well and smells good.

I always use heat spray when straightening or curling my hair. I'm not picky about the brand - just whatever's on sale is what I get. I honestly have never noticed much of a difference, except Biolage smells the best to me. I would definitely buy this if it were on sale when I went to pick up a spray.

Charming and lethally gorgeous, for about 3 hours.

This little thing is listed as a "bonus" on the product card that comes with the box. It is a sample of Katy Perry Killer Queen perfume. Apparently it is "Floriental". I'm not even kidding. Is that a word? Spell-check doesn't think so.

The name makes me imagine a "very special episode" of Ru Paul's Drag Race, where things take a decidedly dark turn.

Anyway, it is supposed to be "charmingly playful yet lethally gorgeous," I find it both musky and fruity. I put it on at 8, and couldn't smell it any more by 11, which is probably par for the course with drug store perfume. I don't always wear perfume, but when I do it's by (surprise twist) Lancome: Tresor or Miracle. Omg, why don't they just hire me already?!?

And that's about it for the September Topbox. Let's do a value tally, shall we?

Chatelaine magazine:                    $1 (via Rogers, prob ~$5 at the store?)
Lise Watier moisturizer:               $8.00/5mL ($48/30mL)
Cover FX primer                           $6.30/5mL ($38/30mL)
Bourjois Paris mascara                 $5.00 (?)(Full size is $20)(Really, kind of worthless and dried out.)
Wella heat spray                           $14 (yesssss!)
Katy Perry perfume sample           ~free at make-up counters everywhere~

TOTAL:                                        $34.30* value to the individual may vary...

Another pretty good month! I will subtract $5 for the crummy mascara, but add $5 for surprise/entertainment value. If Topbox can keep this pace up, I'm definitely on board for the next few months at least.

What did you get in Topbox or other subs this month? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!! xoxo